What to Ask an Elder Law Attorney About Your Parent's Paperwork

What This Page Does and Does Not Do

This page contains no legal advice, and it deliberately contains no descriptions of what any document does. Which documents your parent needs, what they should say, and who should be named in them are questions for a qualified attorney in the state where your parent lives. Getting that wrong from a website costs far more than an hour of professional time.

What this page does is get you into that meeting prepared, so that the hour is spent on your situation rather than on you explaining what you do not have. Attorneys will tell you that most first meetings are half wasted on assembling basic facts the family could have brought with them.

One thing to settle before you go: who the client is. If your parent is the client, some information cannot be shared with you, and that is not obstruction — it is the job. Ask the question directly at the start of the meeting and you will avoid an awkward moment in the middle of it.

• Ask who the client is before anything else
• Bring documents, not descriptions of documents
• Take a notebook and write the attorney's words, not your summary
• Ask for everything material in writing afterwards

What to Bring to the First Meeting

Bring what exists, even if it is out of date, incomplete or you suspect it was superseded. An old document that has been replaced still tells the attorney something, and "I think there was one from about 2011" tells them nothing.

Put it all in one folder in the order below. Do not sort it beyond that; the attorney will do the sorting and will be quicker at it.

If your parent is coming, agree beforehand what they are happy for you to hand over. Arriving with a folder they have not seen is a bad start to a meeting about their affairs. If they are not coming, ask them what they want asked and write it down — you will be asked what they want, and "I think" is a weak answer.

• Every document currently in the folder, drawer or box, however old
• Your parent's full legal name, date of birth, and the address they consider home
• A list of banks, pensions, insurers and any property, with account references if you have them
• The names, addresses and relationships of any children and anyone else involved
• Any paperwork from a care home, hospital or agency that asked for a document you could not produce
• A written note of what your parent says they want, with the date it was written

Questions About the Attorney and the Fee

These come first because they determine whether there is a second meeting. Elder law is a specialism, and a general practice that does the occasional will is a different proposition from a firm that does this every day.

State matters. Ask whether they are licensed where your parent lives and whether that is where the work should be done, particularly if your parent has moved or owns property somewhere else.

On fees, ask for structure and a number: hourly or flat, what the likely total is, and what the first invoice will cover. A good firm will give you a range without hesitating. And ask what they need from you before work can start — often it is a signed engagement letter and a document you did not know existed.

• What proportion of your practice is work for older clients and their families?
• Are you licensed in the state where my parent lives, and does that matter here?
• Who is the client in this meeting — my parent or me?
• What can and cannot be shared with me if my parent is not in the room?
• How do you charge — hourly, flat fee, or by document?
• What is the likely total, and what will the first invoice cover?
• What do you need from us before you can start work?

Questions About What Exists and Where It Lives

You are trying to leave with two lists: what your parent already has, and what is missing. Everything else follows from those.

Ask where originals should be kept and who should hold copies. Families routinely put every original in one place that only one person can reach, which works right up until the moment it does not. Ask specifically which institutions want a copy on file and who is responsible for sending them — the firm or you.

The last question in this group is the one that saves you a second meeting. Ask what to bring next time as a written list, and ask for it by email so there is no ambiguity about what you were meant to find.

• Which documents do you normally expect to see in a file like this?
• Which of these does my parent already have, and are they current?
• Where should originals be kept, and who should hold copies?
• Which institutions need a copy on file, and who sends them — you or us?
• How do we find out whether an older document was ever replaced?
• Is there a document register you would recommend we keep, and what goes in it?
• May I have a written list of what to bring to the next meeting?

Questions About Who Is Allowed to Do What

This is the group that matters at three in the morning in a hospital corridor, and it is worth asking even if the answer is uncomfortable.

Ask what a hospital or a care home would ask to see, and whether your parent currently has it. Ask what you are permitted to do today with a bank, and what changes if your parent can no longer sign. You are asking the attorney to describe the current position in plain terms, not asking a website for a shortcut.

Where siblings are involved, ask how their roles get written down. Families argue about what was meant far more often than about what was written, and an attorney who has watched that happen a hundred times will have a practical view on how to prevent it.

• Right now, who is permitted to speak to the bank on my parent's behalf?
• What would a hospital or a care home ask to see, and does my parent have it?
• What changes if my parent can no longer sign?
• Does anything need signing in front of a witness or notary, and who arranges that?
• Does anything need to be filed or registered anywhere, and by whom?
• How do the siblings' roles get written down so there is no argument later?
• What should we do about a document signed in one state and used in another?

Questions About the Order of Work and the Next Meeting

You will probably not do everything at once, for reasons of cost, energy or your parent's willingness. So ask for a sequence.

The most valuable question on this page is the first one in this group: if we can only do one thing this month, what would you start with. It converts an intimidating list into a next action, and it is a question attorneys are comfortable answering.

Ask how long each step takes from signature to being usable, because families consistently assume it is instant. Ask what your parent must be present for and what can be done without them, which lets you plan around their better days. And ask the closing question — what do people in my situation most often forget to ask you — because the answer is free and it is usually the most useful thing you hear all hour.

• If we can only do one thing this month, what would you start with?
• How long does each step take from signature to being usable?
• What must my parent be present for, and what can be done without them?
• How do we book the next appointment, and how much notice do you need?
• Who at your office do I email with a small question, and is that billed?
• What will you send me in writing after today, and by when?
• What do people in my situation most often forget to ask you?

How to Record the Meeting and Keep the Folder Straight

Write during the meeting, not afterwards. Two columns: what was said, and what we do about it, with a name and a date in the second column. Anything without a name and a date is not a task, it is a feeling.

Within a day, write a short email to the firm summarising what you understood and asking them to correct anything you got wrong. This costs nothing, it usually takes them two minutes, and it converts your notes into something you can rely on.

Then start the document register the attorney described, or start your own: document name, date signed, where the original is, who holds copies, who has been sent one, and the date it was last reviewed. One page, in pen, at the front of the folder.

Tell the rest of the family that the register exists and where it lives. Not what is in the documents — that is your parent's business — but that there is a folder, and where. A register nobody knows about solves nothing.

• Two columns during the meeting: what was said, what we do about it
• Email the firm a summary within a day and ask them to correct it
• Start a register: document, date, where the original is, who holds copies, last reviewed
• Keep the register at the front of the folder, in pen
• Tell the family the folder exists and where it is

Questions