What to Ask a Private Caregiver Before You Hire

Before the Interview: Write the Job Down

Write the job on one page before you meet anybody. Not "help with mum" — the actual tasks, the actual hours, and the parts that are non-negotiable. Getting up and dressed by half past eight. A hot meal at midday. Company between four and seven, when the house is hardest. Shopping on Fridays. Driving to appointments, or not.

That page does three things. It lets a candidate say honestly whether they want this job. It becomes the basis of the written agreement. And it stops the arrangement drifting into a completely different job by March, which is the most common way private arrangements sour.

Interview somewhere neutral for the first conversation if you can, and hold the second one at the house with your parent present. Your parent's reaction to the person is not a minor consideration — it is most of the decision. Allow an hour and let them talk to each other while you say less than feels comfortable.

One administrative note before you start: employing someone directly creates tax, insurance and payroll obligations. Ask an accountant or a payroll service what applies in your state before the first shift, not after.

• Write the task list: specific jobs, times and days
• Mark which parts are non-negotiable
• First interview somewhere neutral, second one at the house with your parent
• Ask an accountant or payroll service what employing someone directly requires of you
• Never agree hours or pay in the first conversation

Questions About Experience and the Work Itself

Ask about the work, not about their qualities. "Are you patient?" produces nothing. "Walk me through a shift that went badly" produces a great deal.

Hand over your task list and go down it item by item. Which of these have you done regularly, and which would you rather not do. The second half of that question is the important one, and a candidate who answers it honestly is usually the one to hire.

The question about the first ten minutes of a shift is unexpectedly revealing. Somebody who has done this work will describe a routine — greeting, a look around, checking what happened overnight, agreeing the plan for the morning. Somebody who has not will describe good intentions.

Ask how they record what happened during a shift. If the answer is "I tell the family", ask whether they would be willing to write a few lines instead, and see how that lands.

• How long have you done this work, and in what kind of households?
• Here is the task list — which of these have you done regularly?
• Which of these would you rather not do?
• Walk me through a shift that went badly and what you did.
• What do you do in the first ten minutes of a shift?
• How do you record what happened during a shift?
• What would you need from us to do this job well?
• Have you worked in a household where someone needed reminding and supervision through the day?

Questions About Reliability, Cover and Boundaries

Reliability is the whole product. A brilliant carer who cannot be relied on to arrive is worse than an adequate one who always does, because your parent is sitting in a chair either way.

Ask about the rest of their life without being intrusive: other work, travel, how they get here, and what happens in bad weather. A forty-minute journey by two buses is a fact worth knowing in advance.

The sick-day question is the one that separates private hiring from an agency. There is no office to send a replacement. Ask what they would do, and then decide what you will do, because the answer is usually that you cover it.

The last question is the most important in the whole interview. What would you do if my parent asked you to do something we had not agreed? There is no perfect answer; you are listening for someone who would tell you rather than quietly decide.

• What days and hours can you commit to for the next six months?
• What other work do you have, and could it clash?
• How far do you travel to get here, and how?
• What happens if you are ill — do you have someone who covers, or do we?
• How much notice would you give if you had to stop?
• Do you smoke, and would you need to leave the house to do it?
• Would you bring anyone else into the house, at any time?
• What would you do if my parent asked you to do something we had not agreed?

Questions About Money, Paperwork and the Agreement

Have this conversation openly and early. Vagueness about money is the fastest route to a bad ending, and good candidates expect to be asked.

Ask for the rate and the rates for evenings, weekends and holidays. Ask how they want to be paid and how often. Ask whether they are registered as self-employed or whether you would be their employer, and take that answer to your accountant rather than deciding it yourself.

Collect the documents at the second meeting, not the tenth: photo ID and a copy, proof of any insurance, and either a recent background check or written consent for one you arrange. Anyone who objects to a background check has answered a different question.

Ask whether they will sign a written agreement covering hours, tasks, pay, notice and expenses. A short, plain agreement protects both sides, and someone experienced will usually welcome it.

• What hourly rate are you asking, and what for evenings, weekends and holidays?
• How do you want to be paid, and how often?
• Are you registered as self-employed, or would we be your employer?
• Do you have your own liability insurance, and may I see it?
• May I see photo ID and take a copy?
• Can you provide a recent background check, or consent to one we arrange?
• Who covers costs you pay out of pocket, such as shopping, and how are they recorded?
• Will you sign a written agreement covering hours, tasks, pay, expenses and notice?

Questions to Ask Their References

Call the references. Do not email them, and do not skip this because the interview went well — the interview always goes well.

Speak to two previous households, not two friends. Ask for the phone number of someone they actually worked for and be direct about wanting to speak to a family rather than a character referee.

Keep the call to seven questions and ask them in this order. The timekeeping question and the "did anything go missing" question are uncomfortable to ask and are exactly why you are calling. Ask them anyway, in a flat, ordinary voice — most people answer straightforwardly when the question is asked plainly.

The last one is the one to listen hardest to. Hesitation before "yes" is information.

• How long did they work for you, and in what role?
• What were they actually asked to do?
• Were they on time, and did they stay the full shift?
• How did they handle the day something went wrong?
• Did anything ever go missing?
• Why did the arrangement end?
• Would you hire them again for a parent of your own?

Recording It All, and the First Month

One sheet per candidate, questions in the same order, so that two people can be compared on paper rather than on impression. Add a line at the bottom for your parent's reaction, in your parent's words.

Keep a separate document sheet: ID seen and dated, insurance seen and dated, background check received and dated, agreement signed and dated. Photocopies behind it. That page takes five minutes and is the thing you will be glad of if anything ever goes wrong.

Agree a trial month explicitly, and say so in the agreement. Then book a fifteen-minute review at the end of it, in the diary, before the first shift. A scheduled review makes an honest conversation easy; an unscheduled one always feels like a complaint.

In that first month, ask the carer to write three lines after each shift: what was done, anything they noticed, anything the house needs. Facts and times, not conclusions. Those notes become the handover to anyone who covers, and the record you take to appointments.

• One sheet per candidate, same questions, same order
• A document sheet: ID, insurance, background check, signed agreement — each with a date
• An explicit trial month, written into the agreement
• A fifteen-minute review booked before the first shift
• Three lines after each shift: what was done, what was noticed, what the house needs

Questions